I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you have to choose: penises or morals?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
