I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So here I am, sexting at work.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
