The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
