I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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