you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
