I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
