He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
