If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
