oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
