What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
