Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
