She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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