Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
