i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
