Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize