Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
