Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
