so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
