I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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