I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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