Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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