I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
