It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
