is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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