Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize