I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
