Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
