Tell her she can't have a vagina
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
