Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
