its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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