when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
