dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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