yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
