Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize