I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
