SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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