Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
