I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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