I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
