we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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