so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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