Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fuck me I smell like cheese
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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