i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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