I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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