Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
