seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
