I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
