i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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