Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I will die if light touches me.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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