Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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