WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
