I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
