if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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