2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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