11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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