no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
