i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
