And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
