apparently the secret to your success is patron
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
