Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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