I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
