Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
