I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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