If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
did i just pee glitter
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
