this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
