I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
