I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
