is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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