how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
