I hate all girls vehemently.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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