I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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