I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
