Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
