fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
