after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
