i permit you to call me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
