Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
