Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish I only lived at night.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
